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Summary of Question:	Please Help Me! I Think I'm Cursed
Category:	Other
Date Posted:	Saturday, 8/16/2003 11:58 PM MDT

Waheguru jee ka khalsa, Waheguru Jee Kee Fateh

Basically, i got no where to go whom i can ask that's why i am writing to know what is happening to me. My parents are amritdari person. We were told by someone that we had tonaa jaddoo. Whatever things take place at home. My parents will say is because of tonaa jadoo. From every small age i had suffering from anxiety and very scared, Never cut my hair never do anything wrong. But i fell in love with a guy. Few year back. I was trying to be very brave and not hide from my mum asking him to come to my place. But after that don't totally break my trust they will scared me so much. That this person his caste is not good he is doing tonaa jadoo. I had never did anything wrong with him as we are at different country. But recently i become so sick i tired to put everything in heart. I wake up at night due to scareness. I can't walk or run as my shortage of breath. I checked with so many doctor they said anxiety.
My parents startred to say i had been cursed. I am so much scared i just don't go to anywhere. I started my prayer very long back since i was 11 something where as now i am 20. No matter how many adrass i am doing. I seem i am always bad. I feel so guilt. I got such a nice job buy due to my dizziness or shortage of breath i always end up coming home. They told me to take amrit. But for me is such a high repected thing. And i know i will not be able to follow. I am feeling so guilt. All i can do is pray if one day i skipped. My parents will say dirty things are with u. I am so so depressed. They will just say leave that guy. I am already away. I just could not keep my emotion stable i had jap ji sahob every morning i cried infront of baba ji photo everytime what i am doing wrong. Why i am like so anxious. I am scared for so many things. I am scared i will die. I am scared from my parents. I don't know i scared from baba ji don't like my preformances. What can i do sukmini paat i do rahas kirtan sohala i do. I sleep where baba ji picture is. But still what i do seem to be wrong. Mum and dad will say wrong. Please help me. I have tired to talk to them. They said pray and take amrit. I mean i just work home i don't go anywhere else. I am so scared i don't talk to anyone. I can't do a simple exersice i feel dizzness and shortage of breath. I am having so many medicine. I am just going mad. Please help i have tired alot of way. Am i really suffering from curse. Please help me. I am very confused what i am doing and what i should do or not. Is the guy i like really doing all thi s thibg on me.

Please help me.

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REPLY
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Sat Siri Akaal. Such curses are superstitions. Your parents are using this as an explanation for anything they don't like. This is not Sikh; Siri Guru Granth is very clear that the Guru is above astrology and panditry and superstitions. Nevertheless, since you have told this since you were small, it has made you very afraid. This boy you love is not cursing you. But since he is not the caste your parents want you to marry, they say he is. I cannot say whether or not you should pursue this fellow. What is very clear to me, is that you need to find someone who can counsel you (not a family member) because you have social anxiety, so it sounds. This anxiety is treatable. You need someone to talk to who is a professional counselor. Find one, no matter what it takes, or you will not be able to shake this fear that is keeping you from life.

The other thing to do is find some friends, perhaps from your Gurdwara community, who will sit and chant Naam Simran with you. The Naam is, truly, the best medecine. I recommend you meet in a gurdwara and do this, and get out of your home. You can, of course, practice Naam Simran alone, but it will be more effective to do it with others. I'm talking about maybe 30 minutes a day. It will be hard at first, and you may cry then too. This is release (when emotions come up during Naam Simran, it is a release, which is good).
I agree w/you that you do not seem ready to take Amrit. It seems that your parents think baptism will take care of this 'tonaa jadoo'. Since I don't think 'tonaa jadoo' is the issue, I don't think taking Amrit is the answer in this case. I would rather see you stabilize and then consider Amrit. Right now I think it would just be a set of disciplines you do not appear ready to handle, no offense intended! Get yourself some support outside the home, and stop believing that you or some curse are the causes of your anxiety. Guru ang sang,
-DKK