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Summary of Question:	Love, Loneliness, Soul Partner, And Meditation
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Thursday, 9/13/2001 10:35 PM MDT

Pyare Khalsa Ji, Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

Khalsa Ji I study in an university and there is a girl in my shcool. I think I love her. I always think about her all the time. I can't concentrate on my study at all. I am very lonely and I don't have any friend. I do have a lot of friends, but I don't think that any of them would understand my inner feelings. I want to cry, but don't don't have any "kandha" to cry. The pillows on my bed don't speak to my at all, no matter how deep my tears penetrate into them. Why is it that? Right now I am listening to old sad hindi songs. These songs touch deep into my heart. I dont't know why i like these songs. Maybe they make me cry. that's why.

I took an English class at a community college this summer. I had to add because the class was full. The teacher could add only four students. But there were many students. A girl came in that class and got added. She was smiling at me and kept looking at me and smiling. She was a punjabi and I was also; maybe that's why.But I did not have the courage to go ahead and even say Sat Sri Akal or hi. I also looked at her and pretended that i am ignoring her. Unfortunately, the teacher did not add me. Since that day, i wanted to talk to her and saw her may times and walked right infront of her. She looked at me and I also looked at her. But neither she said anything nor I. I wanted to say her Sat Sri Akal, but there was something that did not let me go. A kind of force that stopped me. Now I am back to my university and I am seeing her many times a day. I always wander around and in search of her. I many times passed close to her, but never said even a word. I don't know what is stopping me? One day I constantly k
ept looking at her. She looked at me and put her head down. she did this many times. But i kept looking at her. When she came close to me she put her head down, and passed me. It was last Thursday. Over the weekend I made my mind up to talk to her. A heart breaking incident broke my heart. I saw her in the Collaboratery searching on the Internet. But I was wondering why she was looking around her, by turning her head to all the directions time to time. I was with my friends at the back of the collaboratory and could see the monitor. A web site was open. She was scrolling up and down. then a little window will pop up, she typed something and the window was minimized. From there on I kept looking at her carefully. She was chatting on the AOL messenger. I was one hundred percent sure. She spent more than three hours chatting. It broke my heart. An immediate thought that came in my mind that she already has an affair with someone else. I an stupid who could not even talked to her. When i made my mind. I saw this.
Today in the collaboratory, at the same time, she was again chatting. She chatted more than one hour. She chatted with only one person, because only one window will pop up and was minimized. She looked around her time to time if someone is watching her. I think, she knows that I was watching her yesterday and today. I saw her downstairs when I was going home. She turned her face, away from me, as if she did not feel well when she saw me. My heart is broken. I am sure that she loves someone else. But why do i love her. I don't have the courage to talk to a girl because I never had a company with girls. I came to US in '97 from a very small village in Punjab. Is she the love of my life? Does she love me? Maybe she did in the beginning or not, but now she hates me because of my attitudes. The second main reason that I can't talk to her is this: Guru Gobind Singh gave me courage to wear a turban, and unshorn hair and beard. I am a Sardar. Most of the girls don't like sardars. I can't talk to her even if she a pu
njaban. A Sikh only concentrates on the Shabad and only loves his/her Guru. So how can I say her that I love you? I want to know does she LOVE me? I heard that Naam Simran has an undisruptive power. You can know yous past, present and even future. And I can also know if she loves me or not. Or who is love of my Life, my soul partner, my wife? Sardar Ji, I don't want to have any dirty relationship with any girl because Guru doesn't allow that. I think you can understand what kind of relationship I want with her and marry her. I cannot do Naam Simran because she is always in my consciousness. When I wake up, she automatically comes in my mind and at the same time I get disappointed and want to cry when I see her chating on the Internet. I see her picture in my mind. I cannot clear it. So tell me how can I MEDITATE and concentrate on SHABAD? I read on this forum that sit straight, close you eyes, and look in little above between your eyebrows. I think it is where Hindu women put their ?bindi? on. Isn?t it? I am
asking Guru Ji something that I don?t know if it is good for me or not.
Maybe Guru is helping me by showing that she loves someone else, so forget her. She is not right for you OR you are not right for her. Maybe, this relationship will never work because of our contradictory thinkings. The thing is that I cannot ask her if she likes me or not. What would she think about me? If she refuses, I won?t be able to show my face to her. I will be embarrassed. What if next week, it say Hi or Sat Sri Akal and ask some questions such as, what?s your major, where you live, etc. It won?t tell anything if she like me or not. After this first meeting, when I?ll see her the second time, what would I ask her? What kind of questions? I don?t want to say her that I love you or I like you. I want to find out does SHE like me or not. I don?t know what to do. Now it seems, looking at her face, that she gets disappointed when she looks at me. Today in the stairs, I was going down and she was going up, when she looked at me she turned her face to the other side and said something in her mouth. It seem
ed she doesn?t even like to look at me at all. I know that I made a huge mistake by not talking to her the first time when she smiled at me and looked at me. I lost many chances. I have created a hell-like situation for myself.
Maybe this is not the right time for me to get involved in these kinds of relationships. Guru wants me to finish my education, etc. But it is hard for me to wait. I want to know my life and soul partner and love her. I don?t know. Maybe there is someone out there who I don?t know. Along with the other questions, please answer this one too: HOW CAN I FIND OUT WHO IS MY SOUL PARTNER? I want to pray to Guru Ji that whoever it is, Guru Ji give me strength to love her and stay faithful to her in this life and maybe after death also. I don?t know what will happen to us after death. Do I have to wait for someone to come to me or do NAAM SIMRAN to find out my soul partner or to left my SPIRIT up and forget all about these matters? But I cant do it. How can I do NAAM SIMRAN? She is in my consciousness. How can I concentrate? I don?t know what else to ask. Please help me. I don?t know why this is happening to me. My other friends don?t care about it. They just use girl and girls use them and they forget each other aft
er having sex. And one of them always says to me that don?t take girls seriously. But I can?t do that. I don?t know what is happening to me. Maybe because of my karms. Maybe Guru is helping me by giving these tough situations and make me realize the real purpose of life, which is every other attachment except God, is Maya. But how can I do NAAM SIMRAN. I don?t know what to pray for? For getting her? OR Pray to Guru Granth Sahib that please give me NAAM SIMRAN ?data?. But how it is possible. What to choose? I want to choose her over NAAM SIMRAN, but I know that she will stay with me only until I am physically alive. But NAAM will give me everything ?such? not even in this life, but after death as well. I want to choose Naam di daat, but I can?t. I also want t choose her and also pray for her, but I have a kind of feeling that I am not doing the right thing. I am shackled in ambivalences.
I think it is too much, over two pages. Please help me as soon as possible. I am waiting for your reply.

Waheguru Ji Ki Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

(REPLY) Sat Nam. You have written quite a long story, but I what I understand is that you are totally living in your emotions, and are so caught up in them that you have lost any perspective on who you are, and what is the purpose of life. If you want to stop suffering and feeling sorry for yourself, then you need to realize that being "spiritual" and having a loving wife are not mutually exclusive. However, in order for the "right" partner to come to you, you have to stop focusing on that, and instead focus on making your life a shining example of a GurSikh! When you live your life right, the right people and circumstances will come to you. We are all here to work out our karma so that we can finally experience the highest ecstasy of merging with Akal Purkh. Spend some time reading from Siri Guru Granth Sahib, and get yourself some Gurbani Kirtan tapes and/or CD's, instead of emotional love songs you've been listening to. You have to develop some faith that everything that happens to you is an opportunity to perfect yourself, to LEARN a lesson, and to be grateful for what is good and valuable already in your life, instead of focusing on what you don't have at the moment. You need to meditate every day and pull yourself up out of your emotional commotion. Chant to Guru Ram Das, the Lord of Miracles, and pray for guidance -- let God and Guru give you what is BEST for you, not what you think will make you happy -- because it may not! Blessings, SP