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Summary of Question:	Family Problems
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Tuesday, 8/27/2002 6:11 PM MDT

hi, i live in England and im having a few problems with my family. my father left home when i was about 6-7 yrs old and has been out of the picture for some time, im now a 16yr old girl and my family hasnt been the same since.Currently, my family consists of me, my brother(aged 22 and engaged), and my mother. However my mom and brother dont get on. all they seem to do is argue like crows, as they scream at each other. and they always seem to argue in front of me, about me,or about stupid trivial things like phone calls. im convinced that my mom is disappointed about him because he hasnt got the uni degree every on else in the family has. she calls him every name under the sun , regardless of whos there, or whos listening, she has too much pride. they argued badly when i was doing my exams for my gcse's, yet i did better than expected.my mom doesnt like me talkin to him. but he's my brother, no matter what gangs hes been in, what hes drank or smoked, hes my brother and always will be. hes like a father to me. hes patted me on the back when iv done well and said how proud he is of me. but my mom seems to have a problem.

she doesnt seem to know whem to listen to others, and when she talks about whats happened, she'll go on and on about how its effected her, but she has never once asked me, or sat me down to see how its all effecting me. she twists what is said, and gets so mad that she'll call me a cunjari for no reason- i dont mess about, drink, or smoke,i've worked hard for my exams. she'll say im like my dad, and my broter, and then she'll open the door and tell me to leave the house. shes done a lot worse in the past, but im convinced that my father and brother left home because of her. im about to study 'A levels to go to uni in 2 yrs, but why should i bother if thats all im going to get.
sometimes she drive me crazy. and i'll scream to let my anger out. obviously it don twork. i have so much hurt inside me, my heart aches. those around me, whom i love, are driving me away slowly.
what i want to know, is , are there any prayers i can say when im ready to smash something off the wall, or cry till my eyes are soar.
i don t normally do much paat, but recent events are making me think closer to God. i just need some strength, i dont see why i should put up with this. some times i ask myself 'is their a God up there, or what?' because he aint doing me any favours. its always been like this but i need something to bring me closer to God. i have faith in God, but is there any meditation or particular prayers i could say to help me calm my nerves, when shes there screaming at me. i try to ignore it, but i need something else, as i live alone with my mom, and if we arent talkin o each other, im on my own. and she'll go mad if i ring anyone to talk to. as i said , its been like this all my life and i just need something positive to concentrate on.
sorry for writing such a long que...thankyou in advance


REPLY:

You are already on the right path. Understand that it may be too late for your mother to change her ways but YOU have your whole life ahead of you. FOCUS on the University and the freedom that education will bring. Love your brother and be strong for him and love your mother and forgive her... she just does not have any other way to express her love... and her anger.

Going for a walk and meditating on the guru will help. you can look up the mool manter on sikhnet and recite that to calm yourself. feel free to talk to us here and we will respond. Do you have access to a couselor at school? see if they can help as well they may help in anger management.

SSM