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Summary of Question:	Healing Broken Heart And Trust In People
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Saturday, 3/26/2005 8:42 PM MDT

Satnam Waheguru! I appreciate your help to all everyone. Today, I come here to find a healing for my broken heart which has led me to lose trust in people's words. So it goes.....I had known this guy as a casual friend for six years, and during the seventh year I became closer to him, emotionally. Still by Waheguru's mehar i was able to keep the relationship within rehit by not having physical contact with this guy. Last year he said things that insulted me...he knew I had a disability from the start...however, he told me later that his mum would have difficulty with it. I had told him about myself openly from day 1. Still he pursued the relationship without ever frowning over it. I was further insulted when he said he loved me and wanted me but that he couldn't marry me. I told him off and said that he if he is looking for a wife in another girl then he should spare me. Then he came back and said that his mum wanted him to go out with me. I didn't go since I didn't believe him. He had told me the truth that he didn't think of me as a prospective wife. So what was I to him? just a plastic doll that he could have pleasure with and then chew it and then throw me in some dumpster. Thats how I felt. He kept casual talks with. Then he went to India last June or July, and got married there. He never told me about this. He would talk with me occasionally. Then I stopped conversation with him for five months. After five months recently he came and said he had got married in India. When I look back at the first time when he started his mischievous behaviour it dates back to last march(2004). It took him one year to reveal the truth. All along I have just one thing to say and that is that Waheguru and Gurbani have helped save my honour. Whenever I uttered "Nanak Bhagta sada vigas suniaya dukh paap ka naas" the truth was revealed to me about this guy no matter how hard he tried to hide it. I also believe Yogi Bhajan has helped me. I had done the cremation meditation for Yogi Bhajan and the next day I was for the first time shown the dark side of this guy. Even if it was not physical, I loved this man immensely. However, I am glad that I am not married to him because he doesn't seem to honour his words. Now I request you kindly to guide me in the healing process. I have been crying for over an year now but my pain hasn't healed. People's words just seem as words to me, and I am skeptical of everything. please guide me how to begin my healing. I am listening to shabads and doing Reiki for now

(REPLY) Sat Nam. What a hard and bitter experience you have had. I can well imagine how badly you feel, and yet I have great admiration for you, because you have maintained your grace in spite of temptation, and you have put your faith and trust in God and Guru, and that is the most important thing anyone can do in this life. People can betray us, but God and Guru never do, because they are not trying to exploit us! That isn't to say that everyone is going to lie to you, but it will take you a while to get over your pain, and it is natural that you are now skeptical. However, it is time to stop crying over your disappointment. Think how disappointed God must be in so many of His creatures who mistreat others! Yet, still God supports this Universe. Too many women have been betrayed and hurt by men who exploit them. I think what I would do in your place is to say to myself that I do not want any other human being on Earth to have the POWER over me to make me feel bad! Especially when that person has lied -- and is obviously not worthy of the trust I put in him. Do you know what I'm trying to say? Don't let someone else's wrong actions or words pollute your happiness! By putting your faith and your attention on God and Guru, you will become stronger and stronger, and not let your emotions spoil your life! Your sadness is not YOU, it is a FEELING, and feelings, just like thoughts, come and go, and you have the power within you to Control those feelings -- if you really decide to stop your suffering. You have right to be happy, and the more you tune into your soul (whose essential nature is JOY) the happier you will be! The purpose of life is ultimately to unite with that Divine self within, and if along the way we happen to have a pleasant relationship with another human being, that's fine, but those relationships are NEVER permanent, they are still part of this school of life. I would say you have done very very well, and passed the first part of the "test" you were given, not the second part is to get over it, and drop the past. The past is gone. All we can do is learn from the past, but don't live in it. And don't judge every man by the one who caused you such pain. There are good men out there also. May God and Guru bless you and guide you to fulfill your highest destiny. (BTW, one of the best ways to get over depression is to find someone in even worse shape than you are, and encourage and uplift that person!!!) My prayers are with you, SP