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Summary of Question:	Non-Sikh Thinking By Amritdharis
Category:	Sikh Practices
Date Posted:	Wednesday, 9/19/2001 9:55 PM MDT

I was just talking to a good friend about Sikhism beliefs and there were some things that he mentioned that I had never heard before and don't really believe them to be true, but he insists he is right. I think you will be able to clarify these arguments.

First being that if you are amritdhari, you are not allowed to eat 'jooth' or leftovers of others including ur spouse or child, especially if they aren't amritdhari. This is the first time I've heard about this.

The second one is that if one spouse becomes amritdhari and the other one doesn't, they can't continue on making love to each other.

The third and last one is that is it true that one of our Gurus said that the husband comes before god does? I've always been taught that the husband and wife are equal and that God always comes before anyone or anything.

I'm hoping you will be able to clarify all this and let us know who is right! Thank you ahead of time for your reply!

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REPLY
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Sat Siri Akaal.

NONE of these arguments has any merit. They reflect the Brahministic influence that has crept in to Sikh practice, but do not reflect Guru's thinking at all.

IDEALLY, spouses are both amritdhari, but the idea that lovemaking ends if only one is amritdhari implies that the non-baptized spouse is 'unclean'. Sikhs do not practice this kind of discrimination. It is absurd. Amrit cannot be forced on one; if one spouse is ready for amrit and the other is not, it is inappropriate to force amrit on the other. Amrit is a personal decision, not one mandated by some kind of societal correctness.

We bow our heads to Guru because Guru is 'Gur poora', or Perfect Guru. We bow our heads to efface our ego and ask for Guru's grace to remember God in our daily lives. God does not come AFTER husband. No, husband and wife are brought together by Guru and Guru is the one who keeps them together. This means God before Husband, God before wife.

Moreover, it was Guru Arjan Dev who said that two who marry before the Guru become as one: become 1 soul in 2 bodies. So, since when does that put the man before woman? Dear one, most societies on this planet are run by males, and when religious teachings differ from the dominant society's view of gender, teachings are perverted to suit the dominant view. This has occured in most every society around the planet, and we see it today in Sikhi and in Islam, for that matter.

The SGPC has included some reference in their codification of Rehit Maryada to say that one should not finish food from another's plate. I have addressed this elsewhere on this site, and respectfully disagree with SGPC on this matter, since once again it is a way of making Amritdhari seem of higher caste than others. But to Sikhs, caste is irrelevant, or should be. While there might be hygiene-related reasons to not eat from another's plate, it is not Sikh to observe customs that, at base, are really an attempt to match Hindu rites and ideas of 'cleanliness' and sanctity.

Guru Nanak proved to us in Sidh Gosht and others of his banee that the only thing that makes one a person of God is not birth or custom OR gender, but devotion to the Naam.

Guru ang sang,
-DKK