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Summary of Question:	Help Me Help A Friend Out Of His Addictions
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Wednesday, 6/04/2003 1:21 PM MDT

sat siri akal

sorry don't mean to bother u guys i kno u guys have alot of other ppl to help but i was in desprate need of help. i been trying to help out a friend out by trying to get him to stop drinkin and smoking. he had stoped smokin but has started again sayin he does it to get his mind off problems. iv been trying to get him to stop but hes jus not willing to, once hes made his mind about sumthin he does that. can u plzz help and tell me ways i can help him out, cuz he is a smart guy and i dont want to see him messin up like dis. thank you i would really appriciate it..i kno its a stupid question but i'v tried everything well almost everythin cuz he did stop at one point and was slowly cuttin down on drinkin but its jus gotten worse now.

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REPLY
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Sat SIri Akaal. Dear One, there are two things you can do. First, pray for him daily, that this friend honor his divinity, his soul by giving up these addictive substances. Ask Guru to help him. Understand that addictions take on a life of their own, and often, the person who is addicted hits rock bottom before they recognize in themselves that they have a problem, and seek help. Neither you nor anyone else can make someone stop the self-abuse of addictions. And the psychology of these things is that the addicted person needs to decide to give it up and then really needs moral support to keep off the addicting stuff. So don't think you can change him. He is making excuses to you. When he REALLY wants to quit he will.

Which leads to my second thing: 'tough love'. In this instance, tell him that you are uncomfortable around him when he drinks and smokes and that you really don't want to have anything to do with him until he cleans up his act. This takes courage. When this fellow starts to lose people he cares about because of his addictions, he might decide to change. I had to make this same choice with a girlfriend many years ago. About six months after I cut off my relationship with her, I ran into her on the street and she told me she quit drinking and had joined Alcoholics Anonymous, which is a self-help group that supports people in giving up alcohol. We restored our friendship from that point on, and she told me that my cutting her off was one of several things that happened to her that pushed her to get help.
Guru ang sang,
-DKK