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Summary of Question:	Guru's Call
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Monday, 6/17/2002 3:12 PM MDT

WAHEGURU JI KA KHALSA WAHEGURU JI KI FATEH

Khalsa Ji, i am a nearly 23 yr old Punjabi boy living in Oklahoma USA. My family is Punjabi Brahmin. I was raised in the United Arab Emirates, and have been in USA since August 1998. I have been fascinated by Sikhism for the past 4 and half years. Right now, my life is in a total mess Khalsa Ji. I have been on suspension from my university since December, and even after getting good grades at another community college, have been denied re-admission, as my cumulative GPA is still less than the required one. The college i used to go to is 70 plus miles from my place where i went twice a week for 16 weeks from January to May 2002. I do not want to go back there, and i am not receiving admission in my university where i stay. My parents are in the middle east, and like any parents are more than worried and tensed about my studies as well as future. Khalsa ji, i have been burning CDs of Gurbani shabads for close to a month now. There was this shabad i was listening to last night entitled "Sikha dastaar saja lai". It made me weep to death Khalsa ji. My face and eyes were red crying. I was breathing hard and my heart was paining. Since february i have started having pain in my heart region. I think its because of me taking too much stress, tension and over-depression because of my suspension. I stay with my sister. Anyways, so as i was saying, this CD made me cry real bad, and i took it as an order from Guru Gobind Singh that it was time i start working towards taking Amrit. Khalsa ji, for the very 1st time i've felt this way. But i know that amrit is not an easy thing. i still have a long way to go and prepare myself for it. i was telling someone that when i keep beard, i have started looking like Guru Gobind Singh in the picture, as i have His picture in my room, and it is said that u start looking the one whom u keep seeing or looking at all the time. WAHEGURU has given me big beautiful eyes, fair skin, and glowing pink lips, as i have never smoked. So with a beard it looks really good. But yesterday i shaved my beard, as i do it every week. and i cut my hair every 5-6 weeks. But this time it hit me hard. i don't know if i will be able to do it again. i want to start working on my amrit. i don't know if i am ready to keep kesh and beard. so please guide me what to do. i have been doing nitnem everyday at amritvela at 3 am 4 am or 5 am for the past 47 days since May 1st. every other day i have some dream giving me some kind of message. Khalsa ji please tell me what to do. i m really confused and scared. keeping kesh will bring more challenges in my already depressing and messed up life, and cutting them will make me feel bad. also, if i ask my parents, i dont know their response. they might refuse. if they don't, they might ask me to wait till i finish my studies. i don't know what to do khalsa ji. i am in oklahoma, far from Sikhs. all my sikh friends have left after graduating. and the ones left are hair cut and one with trimmed beard. there are so many questions in my head. facing more problems inspite of doing nitnem makes me feel why me, why is it still happening? maybe WAHEGURU is testing me! Khalsa ji, i so badly wanna belong to the Guru. yes i do belong to Him, but i want to take amrit. i just dont know if its the right time. i really need Amritdhari Khalsa Sikh to talk to about this. please give me someone's contact (email or phone number or whatever). also, please give me your reply on what can be done. i dont want to take this big step in a hurry khalsa ji. i am scared of keeping and/or cutting my hair and beard :( please suggest what can i do. i know its incorrect to think that taking amrit will relieve me of my problems. my life then will be filled with new and heavier challenges! and i m not sure if i m ready for them :( i m just terribly confused khalsa ji. i do naam simram everyday before japji sahib. it feels good. please khalsa ji please tell me what steps should i take! my parents can say "get your life in order first then do something else", but i m sick of living like this, without any hope. Khalsa ji ther

e is not one direction in my life from where the cool breeze of happiness is coming. Please do something and help me. please suggest me something, and please remember me in your Ardas, and pray to Guru Kalgidhar to help me.

:( :( :( :( :( :(

a soul in great pain and confusion

PS : anyone else with any good suggestions plzz feel free to email me at punjabtiger@hotmail.com

Guru bless everyone!

______________________________________________________________________________

Wahe Guru Ji Ka Khalsa, Wahe Guru Ji Ki Fateh.

Darling One,

There is a line in Gurbani that goes, "Pleasure is the sickness and pain is the medicine." It may seem scary and confusing to you, but really all that is happening is that Guruji is giving you a good, swift kick in the pants and making your life very uncomfortable so that you will realized He is real, He has a destiny for you and it's time to focus your sights on Him. It is really difficult in the secular world we live in when a spontaneous spiritual awakening occurs, because our culture doesn't recognize such a thing. Then we feel a little crazy, and we don't know who to talk to. (Believe me-I know how it goes.) But if you are doing nitnem very regularly for the last couple months, and having dreams, and weeping over shabds-really-your soul is just waking up to its own truth. So-understand it and don't be afriad of it. Guru is guiding your path perfectly.

Now-there may be a tendency to go overboard and take Amrit right away, but you can work up to these things gradually. It seems that your spirit wants to keep kesh-so just start there. Do your nitnem, stop cutting your hair and take it nice and slow. Sangat is very important right now. So-if there's no one to connect to in Oaklahoma who can support you during this process, see if you can develop some email relationships with people who will be willing to help you go through this. Chant Gurbani, do seva wherever you can and don't worry about your education right now. Spend some time focusing on your soul. Find a simple job, meditate and meditate and meditate. When Guru is ready-He will show you what the next step is. But what's most important is that you allow yourself to go through this experience and INTEGRATE it into your life. Sometimes, our spiritual experiences take us out of real life, and for a Sikh-we need to have the capacity to take the heavens and live them on the earth. So take your time. This is what the soul was put on the earth for, anyway. To find its True identity. Schools and careers are just things we do for fun, to while away the time. But it's this heart-opening that the Guru blesses us with which is the true treasure of life.

I hope these words are helpful to you. Please let us know if you have any other questions or need any other kind of support.

God bless.

GPK