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Summary of Question:	Relationships
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Saturday, 11/02/2002 12:31 PM MDT

i have a serious question...although it's probably already in here just phrased differently...i would like an answer different to those already shown...Why is it that a sikh would be shunned or frowned upon if he was enduring in a relationship with someone outside of his race/religion. we both live in new york and have really grown to like eachother and maintain a relationship...but both of our parents dont know bout us...i dont get it....why shouldnt we be able to be together??? if you love someone that much that should be all that matters...i mean...so what if he gets into a big relationship and falls deeper in love with me and then his parents make him marry another person JUST because she is sikh and totally disregard me because im white...im sry...but this should be considered sinful if you think about it. I kno everyone has different views on love/marriage, but as long as we are happy together, why is it so wrong?!?!?

(REPLY) Sat Nam. Your question is not a question of what is right or wrong, but really involves a whole cultural, religious, social structure. Most marriages between people of different backgrounds start out with two strikes against them to begin with. Living isolated, just thinking that your "love" will keep you happy, is a chancy proposition. What about when you have children? What about denying them grandparents and aunts and uncles? I'm not saying it's right to "shun" anybody, I'm just saying that you're not looking at the big picture in context. Marriage is a spiritual bonding, as well as a mundane partnership. Do you and your Sikh boyfriend share the same spiritual values and goals? How much does his religion mean to him? And what about yours? The fact that you haven't said anything to either of your sets of parents indicates that there's something "wrong" and that's a good clue to what the future might hold. Happiness over the long haul is a rare commodity, unless there is a firm commitment to help and encourage and support each other along a mutual spiritual path. Infatuation, sexual attraction, intellectual comraderie are great, but marriage requires that spiritual bond, or the other qualities won't be enough to hold it together. That's just the reality. I wish you well. I suggest you tell the parents, what have you got to lose? At least you'd have honesty going for you. It may cause a big blow-up, so you have to decide if it's worth the attempt. SP