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Summary of Question:	Expected Role Of Women In Sikh Marriage
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Sunday, 2/02/2003 7:44 PM MST

My daughter has fallen in love with a young man who is Sikh (from Punjab). They are in New York, I am in Indiana. I need a clarification on the expected role of women in the Sikh culture and the expected role of a married woman in a Sikh marriage. I have been surfing the net and have not had any luck. I want some insights on the current status quo of these issues in the real lives of women and men today. Thanks.

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Dear Thoughtful Mom,

You ask a very important question; you have every right to want to know what your daughter is getting herself into. It really depends on a few different things;
- How was this young man raised?

If his family is very traditional, the role of the wife may be very specific, namely to be in the home as a housewife and mother. Many times the man "rules" the home, and the wife has very little direct say into how things are decided. Some Sikh women in India suffer from much oppression, even today. In traditional Sikh homes, the wife is expected to live with the husband's family and the mother-in-law rules the home.

If, on the other hand, his family is more open minded and perhaps his mother worked, his attitudes will be more modern and open.

- What is his education and carreer?
This will give some idea to what he has been exposed. More education is usually better, for obvious reasons.

- What relationship does he have with his family, and what are their expectations of his wife?

This is very important. He may be very open to her now, but after marriage, can he stand up to his families possible pressures of where they live, how they raise their children, what religion they practice, etc.

I am not trying to be negative about this relationship. I am just trying to give you an idea of some of the possible complications. It doesn't mean it can't be a wonderful relationship and marriage. Sikh men are usually trained to respect and honor women. It is a part of our scriptures.

As in any courtship, it is important to get down to the nitty gritty about what the relationship means. If I were your daughter, I would ask a million questions of her boyfriend. How does he feel about his wife working; how does he feel about helping with household chores and child raising; if they make a decision and his parents disagree, what will he do; can he support her and the children; what religion, if any, will they practice; and the list goes on, depending upon what's important to them. He should ask her questions as well. Dating is one thing, but marrying and living with someone for your life is quite another. They need to get real and practical with one another.

Good Luck and bless you. GTKK