Previous

Next

Ask a Question

Summary of Question:	I Can't Tolerate This Any More
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Saturday, 11/02/2002 11:19 AM MDT

waheguru ji

dear khalsa ji..i often come on ur site..and i have asked many many question to you all..and thankyou to you for answering my questions..i m great problem of anger..i hate my grandmother...because she is one whom i m seeing making my mother cry...since i was kid..she told my dad that my mother's parents are not good because..they are illiterate..but my grandmother isn't literate either she is also illiterate..but she is soooo proud that she taught her kids..all her kids are engineers..my dad hate my mom's family..she cries all the time..she goes to my dad that i respect your family i do everything for you family..but u don't respect for my family why..he is like..i don't like them..even my grandmother[dad's mom] told him infront of us that we hate him..and his parents..which is not true..we will our dad..but he doesn't want to listen to us..he is like..to my mom and me and my sister are dead for him..cuz we speak infront of him..i know which is wrong..but we only do when my grandmother comes at our house..and scold to my mother..or make her cry..and blame on us..for no reason..it's happening since i was kid..for somebody's fault we got beaten up...and again too..me and my sis are 23 and 22...he thinks that we aren't trying our best in studies..and i know how much we are trying..i know i m not good in studies..but i m trying my best...but it's not suffiecient for him...because he is engineer...i can't tolerate this thing n e more..i m tired..of seeing my mother cry..what i want to do is go to grandmother..and kill her..[pardon my lang]...but i do feel this way..i want to go and tell her straight at her face..look what u did..she ruined each of his son's and daughter's house..no one is happy ..no one..what should i do...i don't know how to look and forgive my grandmother..cuz i know..it's not her..it's waheguru who is doing all this..is it?...
thanx

(REPLY) Sat Nam. It is sad to hear you have to live with such unpleasant things happening. You are no longer a child. As an adult, there are several options for you. One way to deal with this is, whenever possible, leave the room when arguments start. Do not involve. God gives us each the power to speak. The way we use this gift determines our karma. Those who are cruel in speech to others will ultimately suffer. You do not, and apparently have not tried to do anything to stop these unkind words, however, have you tried telling your grandmother how you feel? Are you afraid of her? She has a bad habit of hurting others with her works. Why don't you tell her? and also, tell your father? No one should be the victim of continuous verbal abuse. Are you meditating every morning before dawn, and praying for harmony in your household? go to the Guru for guidance. Being angry at your grandmother will not change her, but possibly if you speak honestly to her, it might touch her heart. And if all else fails, just start chanting loudly (!) when arguments and unkind words are being said. What have you got to lose? Have you discussed this with your sister? Being able to forgive and bless those who are cruel is the mark of a saint, and as Sikhs we try to forgive everyone, but that doesn't mean that we do not protect ourselves! Remember the concept of the soldier/saint. So have courage, be kind and be grateful that you are not the one being unkind. Everything that happens to us is an opportunity to learn something. Sometimes we have to learn the hard way. My blessings and prayers are with you. SP