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Summary of Question:	Im So Confused-My Heart Wants 2Different Things
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Friday, 11/29/2002 5:22 AM MST

hello all.

i wrote to you for the first time a couple of days ago but i didnt get a response.

The truth is that, im 19 and really confused and need the help of someone to tell me what to do. I dont have any friends that i can talk to as they are all english and wouldnt understand, i try to explain this to my family but they just shout and look so disapointed at me.

it all started a year ago when i met this guy. We were both sikh and we got along so great. We live 1hour train journey away from each other so we didnt meet that much. But when we did meet we had great times together and we became more than friends. We started to imagine our life together and how wed get married. he was so sweet that he had it all planned. im sure he wasnt using me as we were together for a year and he didnt force me into doing things that i wasnt 100% sure i wanted. We didnt have sex because we wanted to be together for a long time before we took that important step in our lives.

when we became so sure what we wanted things turned nasty. My parents found out and foned hes parents up and told them never to let their son meet me.They were so dissapointed in me. They sed that we were too young and that what i was doing wasnt good for our family reputation. well they banned me from speaking to him and kept me in my room for a long time. i wasnt allowed to talk to any1. so i couldnt tell my boyfriend how much i still loved him. Well now that i have a little of my freedom back ive started to fone my ex-boyfriend and spend a lot of my time talking to him. weve been seperated for 6months now and i havent seen him for that long. im still madly in love wiv him, but he says we cant be anymor than friends. and sed that the guy he used to be is dead and hes changed. but he hasnt i know he still loves me and he is denying it because he dosent want to hurt hes dad and mum. but how can the dreams we once saw together mean nothing now?
i dont know whether i should stop foning him and we should 4get everything or whether i should carry on and hope that well be together again.
i know it sounds silly but i cant imagine my life with anyone else and 6months after we split up i still cry myself to sleep everynight and love him with all my heart. ive lost hope in all guys and dont wanna meet another guy. i just want this guy. if i dont have him i wont be anyone elses.

what do i do? do i betray my parents even more or do i betray my love and happines?

scared and confused

xxx
thanks

(REPLY)

Sat Nam. You know why I start each message with SAT NAM? Because that's to remind me (and you) and our real Identity is Truth -- and Truth is God's Name. Now, what does that have to do with your problem? Everything. Because all you have described, as painful as it is, does not take into account anything about your relationship with the Guru. That having been said, let's go back to your present situation. THere's nothing to be confused about, becuase you don't really have a choice. Your boyfriend has told you he doesn't want to continue the relationship. You may not want to believe that, but that's the fact. You can continue to cry over your lost love, but that's not going to help anything. Right or wrong, your parents have made it clear that you are not to see him again, and he has confirmed that -- so you have to let the past go. It may be true that what you had was "love" - but most likely it was emotional infatuation, and once again, it's a case where getting into an emotional relationship before marriage ends almost always in broken hearts. i am truly sorry this has happened to you, but just suppose, what if you were to run off with this guy, and then he died in an accident -- what then? If you base you entire happiness on being with some other person, you are setting yourself up for disaster. God sent you to Earth to experience life, yes, and hopefully to be happy, but ultimately, eventually, you have to go back Home to God, and meantime, it is your responsibility to establish a connection - a relationship with God and Guru. If you want to get the best perspective on life, then read the Siri Guru Granth Sahib, and absorb that wisdom, so that you don't continue to suffer living in your emotions. You have to choose to drop feeling like a victim, and feeling sorry for yourself, and decide that you will become a strong, powerful, graceful woman, not a weepy schoolgirl forever. i know this may sound harsh, but no one can make you happy except you, yourself -- with the blessings of God and Guru. So, do some meditating and praying -- and pray for what is BEST for you -- not what you WANT. SP