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Summary of Question:	Re: Marrying A Non-Sikh
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Friday, 1/31/2003 11:34 AM MST

I really feel for children like you.SP is correct that you seem like a mature child.I really do not understand people who leave India and come here when they punish their kids for their decision.If they did not want to be ready for the chances like this where their child could marry a nonsikh,they should have stayed back and if money was the factor then father should have come (like lots do in Saudi Arabian countries) and send money home.The problem is they are very overconfident about their child rearing.I personally think that even though you found the person right for you, you might have found a sikh if your parents were not hypocrits.

Seems like what you told us in your email - you have not (for whatever reasons) not told your family.I think you should, truth is always bitter at times but it always wins in the long run.Let them know what you think about marrying in an Indian culture, give them live examples of your friends (whom they know) and relatives that are unhappy because of the in-laws deals.Also, do let them know (especially your dad) how you really feel.If you cannot talk on the phone,write to him.(Try not to answer the phone and just tell you are working long hours so you can return the cll when you are mentally ready.)That might help, because he might read it again and again and God help it might go into his stubborn brain.Remember one thing, no matter how much parents threaten deep down they always love their children.Even if they disown you, they will come around in years to come once they get to meet this person.
Your dad's problem is the social status and he has to learn to overcome this.Try to write about the significance of social status versus children's love and happy life. Would he be happy if socially he is considered a man whose kids married a sikh (could be abusing and user) and are miserable instead if they married a nonsikh are happy and always telling him how well they are taken care of.Take your time to write the letter (I think letter is the best way),you can even use your boyfriend's help or someone mature who you trust, to see if all sounds fine.Also, try to mention the grand kids and what you should tell them about their grandparents and especially grandpa.You know your dad better and just like he knows your weekness (which is family and easy guilt taker) use his weakness as your plus point,this would not be considered cheating;I call it tit fot tat - you did not start it and you are merely defending yourself honestly. Try also to tell him - maybe he should meet this boy and his parents and then give his opinion.Regarding your brothers - sibblings always stick together as they could be in your shoes, so they will care for you and once they are on their own they will respect you.Have you read the email where the brother is trying to find his brother who was kicked out of the house by his dad.
So, do not worry about that.Remember one thing,no matter what happens do not loose touch with your family.If worst come to worst they go back to India (which I doubt) keep writing to them without expecting any calls back.Keep them upto date with your life and inquire about theirs.Once they feel you are happy and once that little child comes in,and they see that you are raising them as sikh's without being hypocrit,they will come around.Could take years but do not give up.Beleive me they will come around - they are your blood and blood is thicker than water.Take it from a 45 years old woman giving you this advice and not mere teenager.I have seen the world.If you are truthful then God is with you.
Make sure you say all your prayers before you mail it and then leave it on God for the results.
ps:does your boyfriend's parents approve of you, that is very important.I do not want you to loose both worlds.You could even talk to an Indian counselor if needed.But do your home-work thoroughly in such a way that you get the best of both the worlds (inlaws and parents).
Rab Rakha!!