Previous

Next

Ask a Question

Summary of Question:	Getting Married Language And Religious Barriers
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Tuesday, 6/11/2002 8:05 AM MDT

Sat sri akaal to all my brothers and sisters

I have a question well more of a predicament really. I am getting married next year to this guy that I have been introduced to, the thing is I have not been brought up very tradionally and I also come from a predominantly white area. The thing is the family I am marrying into are amritdharis and are quite tradional. I am scared that due to the language barriers I will not fit in and will be an out caste. I have always been into Sikhi and have always read up on sikhish albeit in english but nevertheless I have made a concious effort to learn more about our beautiful religion.
I want to learn fluent punjabi, I work full time so I cannot go to Punjab for a long holiday and the gurdwara in my area teaches little children punjabi not someone of my age group, infact I would probably be laughed out of the gurdwara by the little kids. It is such a disability I want to communicate with so many people but feel restricted and stupid. I know I shouldn't but I resent my family for always speaking in English when I was younger and not sending me to Punjabi school. I want to have a successful marriage where I will be accepted by the whole family and not seen as a failure.
Please help me learn fluent Punjabi, I am from the East London area.
Many Thanks
Wjkk wjkf

******************************************************************************

Wahe Guru Ji Ka Khalsa,
Wahe Guru Ji Ki Fateh.

Your desire to learn Punjabi fluently reflects how much fear you have about this marriage. Basically-you have been raised in one world and you are being married into another. How are you going to cross that bridge successfully?

My heart is with you, and I know that it is important to you to make the marriage a success. Do you mind a couple frank observations?

First-it will be up to you and your husband together to make the marriage a success. If you both work on building the bridge, it will be crossed successfully. Since you are engaged, it might be a good idea to start talking about these issues ahead of time. You are a little more Western in orientation-so it's good to talk about expectations. What are his expectations of the marriage? What are yours? How different are they? Where is there room for compromise? Where is there room for no compromise? Talking about it ahead of time, and working out potential problems together will help give you a firm base to start your marriage.

Second- success or failure in marriage is not a final event. Some years will be more successful than others. I heard a radio interview with a couple who was married for 50 years. The wife said, "Well-when you've been together that long-there were 7 to 10 pretty bad years over the course of 50." It's an up and down situation. The key is to just stick with it and face the challenges together as a couple. Failure or success isn't about doing it right or having people accept you. It's about whether, when the times get tough, you and your husband can be a team and face the challenge together, with the Guru's help.

Communication is key and you can start working on that part of your marriage the next time you see him.

God bless you, good luck and may Guru guide you to all health and happiness.

Sincerely,

GPK

Wahe Guru Ji Ka Khalsa,
Wahe Guru Ji Ki Fateh