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Summary of Question:	How Do I Tell My Parents That I Wnt To Marry A Non Jat.
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Friday, 10/04/2002 3:22 PM MDT

I am 23 year old girl, and my parents are already considering my marriage. I have been dating a non-jatt, but a sikh man, who is 26 years old. He is smart, well educated, caring, and from a very nice family. I have met all of his family; they accept me and love me for who I am. On the other hand, my parents are very backwards. They belive that nice jat sikh girls should only marry in nice jat sikh families. I am afraid to tell them I have had a relationship with a man, and on top of that he is not a jat. They are too worried about what people might say, especialy my extended family. Can you please tell me how I should break it to my family, and have them accept my decison.

Harpreet

(REPLY) Sat Nam. First of all, what sort of relationship do you have with your parents? Is there any honest communication? At your age, you should be able to sit down with either your mother or father (whichever you feel closest to) and explain that you have found someone who wants to marry you, and that his family is not concerned about caste, and that you also do not believe it should even be considered in the matter. As for your having a "relationship" with the man, I'm not going to guess as to how far that has gone, and you have to use your intelligence to know what you are going to tell your parents.
At 23 you should be able to speak as an adult and make your wishes known. I suggest that you do some careful meditating and praying for guidance in this matter before you speak -- and be sure to assure your family that you love them and respect them and do not want to hurt them but you are sure (are you sure?) that this is the right and only man for you forever. If this is true, then you should have no fear in speaking out. You don't tell us how long you have known your proposed husband? Asking "how" to tell your family is not a simple question! But obviously, tell them you must. Good luck. SP